Famous ME

I recently tried out for a TV show.  I made it to regionals, but no further.  I realized, ironically, that it would immediately take up time I did not want to forfeit in the now; and much more in the later.  So I did not try the next level.  I am okay with that.  I did however, read over the waiver agreement; one that is required in order to participate in the show.  I have asked a few people, and we all agree, it is probably a typical TV waiver.  If you participate in this show, you can do this and you cannot do this.  Well there are some very telling things in this waiver; things that might surprise our viewers.

Interesting points of the waiver:

o       It is highly suggested that you review this document with an attorney, and you have been given the opportunity to do so prior to signing it (though you must agree to it regardless in order to continue).

o       You will Not be paid to be on this show.  If you are an alternate, you will not be paid.  As an alternate, you must be ready to come if you are called at any moment.  They can call you at any time and expect you to be there.  You will be fired if you ever are unable to come.

o       If you win, and earn money or a prize, it can be taken away from you for any number of offenses.  If you do not come when they call after receiving said prize, they will take it away.  If you sue them, you owe them the prize.  If you withdraw, you must repay all their costs and be forewarned, they will probably humiliate you on the show.

o       The show involves heavy athletic events.  They suggest you get your own health and injury insurance, as they may not pay for everything (or nothing, it doesn’t say).  If you die, you also cannot sue them!!  My indignation!!

o       You cannot sue them; not for psychological, emotional, or mental damages.  Interesting, I’ve never tried to sue anyone for 2 out of 3 of those!

o       My favorite: They have “no moral rights.”  I had to ask an attorney what that meant.  He said that I cannot hold them to a moral code or expect moral behavior if I sign this.

o       Also great: They can make up whatever they want about me and say it is true.  This is Not a sitcom or a reality TV show.  This is a show of video recordings that supposedly represent the truth as it happens in a competition and behind the scenes.  They can say anything they find in your history about you too, or falsify it.  They do a thorough background check; more thorough than the one I have done each year in order to work with children.  They 1^st do a “background check,” credit check, medical history check, criminal check, psychiatrist check, military past, any news or internet check, and anything that comes up along the way.  They also contact your place of employment.  In addition, they request 3 references from close friends or family; clearly they are seeking something different (rumors, lies, truth only those you love knows) than the people who request references from everyone except your friends and family (only business).  You sign over the right for them to have all of your medical records, even the things that you must give specific permission for anyone besides you to see; everything!  Nothing is private.

o       They can set up secret, hidden cameras and video anything.  Any video footage they have can be used in the show.  That could be embarrassing or humiliating.  This is Not a reality TV show, why do they care what I do with my free time?

o       If you are hurt on the show or because of the activities involved in the show, you cannot sue them (obviously).  Remember this is a physically active show.  If it is necessary, they will get you medical attention immediately.  They have their own doctors, who are Not held liable if they do anything wrong.  If they cut open the wrong leg, oops, too bad.  I guess you will have 2 matching scars.  You cannot sue the doctors, or the TV show.  You also must pay for the medical expenses.

o       During your participation in this show, you may incidentally loose property and may participate in nonconsensual touch.  I am not sure what that means, but you must forgive it.  Do Not mistake, there is a statement later about rape and sexual harassment.  But nonconsensual touch is allowed.

o       They may, at any time, perform physical and psychological exams on you.  I suppose that is kind of like a drug screen, right?  I will now just check on your psychological health and see if your allegations are true… hmm.

o       I am not exaggerating, this is literally what it says.

o       My advice: only sign an agreement like this if you are going into the TV or movie business and are used to giving up all of your inalienable rights.  Do Not get hurt or do their medication.  Only do it if you have nothing to loose; no money, no love, nothing!  Have no secrets.  Be incredibly morally upstanding, and have no pride.  Also, I hope you don’t have kids because if they see anything humiliating of you or you upset on national TV.

o       Ahh, yes, this is a morally upstanding TV show.  Just imagine if it were something disreputable like the Kardasians; just think how many lies they are selling you.

MetroDash

I recently participated in the MetroDash.  It was awesome!!  The MetroDash is similar to the Tough Mudder, Warrior Dash and Spartan.  However, the goal is to overcome difficult obstacles, not do something pointless that you will never (hopefully) use in life, like walk through open electrical lines while being wet.  The estimated time is 15 minutes; I took much longer than this, but I did complete it.  I found it challenging, yet not impossible.  It is a great challenge for people who keep themselves in excellent shape.  I was not impressed, mostly because I was able to do everything and I do Not consider myself the most in shape person ever; though I do workout 3-5 times per week.  A fellow participant said, afterwards, “This is not for weaklings.”  I felt good that I am no longer considered a weakling!

The following url shows the typical lineup of obstacles.  http://www.metrodash.com/the-course/

The entire “race” is shorter than a football field length.  This may seem short, but remember, between sprints, you are doing a feat of strength, endurance, and ability.  The obstacles include: rope ladder, box jumps, stutter-step tires, rope wall climb, rope swing, cargo net climb, and rope upside-down traverse.  The weird, weight lifting events were: carry a pile of awkward objects a distance: ax and tire, 50lb sandbag carry, 2 kettle balls, 30lb ball carry/sprint, tire flips.  I say they are weird not because they are unreasonable or too heavy, but because I do not usually carry a tire or 50lbs.  Though I can think of a few circumstances I might need to.  I just do not study them in parkour.

I only had difficulty with two of the obstacles: the 8’ free-climbing wall, and the bungee-cord monkey bars.  The 8’ wall had no handholds, or rope.  Literally nothing to assist you.  You had to use your body, and if you had friends or could make them, anyone else.  I, naturally, asked the next random guy to help me.  I had to step on his thigh, then his shoulder.  Mannn, I thought I was going to break him!  I did it, but then I offered to help him, and he waived me off.  I completed this obstacle with some difficulty.  The monkey bars are Not the ones you played at in kindergarten.  Each bar is separate and suspended by a bungee-cord.  This means it swings forward and backward and stretches down with weight.  This makes it extra difficult.  I did not complete this obstacle.  If you attempt two times and are unable to complete, then you must do ten burpees, which are exaggerated squats.  The upside-down rope traverse was also very difficult.  I have trained them.

Overall, a great event!!!  I really enjoyed it!  I appreciate that it did not let me down.  I wanted something I could hardly achieve, something that would motivate me to push harder, stronger, longer.  It showed me I am getting somewhere and there is somewhere yet to get.  Somewhere where all of this is easy and I finish in less than 15 minutes.  I did not find it expecting too much of me.  I train hard and expect much.  I did the same at this event.  I have a great endurance and strength.  My parkour strengths are traversing and balance, which weren’t really used.  Well, to be precise, there was a lot of climb up, but not traverse across, immediately we came down; which takes out the fun.  Most of the people there did Not do parkour, but rather  Crossfit – the cool, in fashion version of parkour that is streamlined and sold in gyms; not playgrounds, free, and outside.  My only complaint was you did not just have to overcome the obstacle, you had to do it their way.  I wanted to climb the free wall using the sides.  The monitor stopped me and told me that was forbidden.  In parkour, the goal is to overcome the obstacle, any way you can.  I would attack it a different way than you would because we are different training levels and have different strengths and comfort levels.